Thursday, January 2, 2014


Oh 2013. You were supposed to be my year, remember? Instead you turned out to be a heartbreaking mess of a year. Let's review.

In January we celebrated our 7th anniversary. We marveled at how fast it has all gone by and we decided that the best thing we had done so far was having Shye. So we decided to try for another baby. Oh and there was lots of snow.

The highlight of February was visiting my friends in CA and finding out that I was pregnant. And there was lots of snow and morning sickness.

I spent most of March hanging out at home with morning sickness. I said good-bye to one of my best friends who moved across the country. And then I found out that my baby didn't have a heartbeat.

Miscarriage. Broken ankle. Stomach flu. All on my 30th birthday. I can honestly say that my birthday was the lowest point of the year. There was also a surgery for the broken ankle and I escaped to AZ for two weeks to recover from it all.

Continued miscarriage. Shye turned 2 and we marveled at how fast she was growing up. We started hitting up lots of splash pads.

Brian had a birthday. I started my splash pad project in earnest. I also started a diet to lose the pregnancy weight. There was also some drama in Brian's family that nearly resulted in our being kicked out to the streets.

 My mom came to visit for two weeks. I finished losing all my pregnancy weight. Fireworks.

 Nothing happened in August. Seriously.

I found out I was pregnant again. My new nephew was born. Brian got his job. Miscarriage.

Our first family vacation. Shye and I went to AZ for two weeks. I found out I was pregnant for the third time this year. Buttloads of candy.

 Morning sickness. Stomach flu. Bronchitis. Laryngitis. Pumpkin pie.

Sinus infection. Bronchitis again. Miscarriage again. D&C. My mom comes up to Utah for two weeks. Christmas. Stomach flu. New Year's Eve.

I'm really grateful for the blessings that came our way this year, specifically Brian's new job and being able to spend so much time with my mom this year, but overall it was a rough year. I spent the vast majority of this year either pregnant (28 weeks total, about 6 months) or miscarrying (12 weeks total, almost three months) and it has really taken a toll on me. I feel both physically and emotionally drained. It seems like everyone, at some point in their life, goes through a period of time where everything inexplicably seems to go wrong. I've heard my grandparents and older relatives talk about going through such times as being the most formative of years. So I'm trying, as best as I can anyway, to take these experiences as they come and to learn what I can from them.

And that's the attitude I'm taking with me into 2014.


  1. Shawna, this brought me to tears. The contrast between the beautiful faces in the pictures and reading of your struggles was hard to comprehend. I am amazed by your strength and openness. I promise to pray hard for you that you get to have your dreams of a rainbow baby come true in 2014. And a far smoother year. You will conquer.

    xoxo, B

  2. I am so amazed you made it through all that and still manage to see the blessings of the year. That is truly inspiring. I hope your dreams for another baby will be a reality soon and that you can overcome these formative trials.

  3. I'm sorry it's been such a hard year for you. But I'm glad good things happened too and that it didn't completely suck. I hope 2014 really IS your year.